Today I did things a little bit different. I changed my perspective on everything. I’m not entirely sure why or how exactly (I suspect it’s God growing me) but today I started to look at things completely different than ever before. Instead of being bothered by the things in my life, or my day that were seemingly negative, or bad, I was thankful for them. Thankful you may be thinking? Why in the world would you be thankful for something that is “bad”? Well, here is my new school of thought, (that I seriously hope is a transformation in my life, and not just a fly by night thing) I am thankful for all of the negative things in my life b/c without them there wouldn’t be a positive, and I would not be able to recognize the good when it happens. I have been shown in recent weeks just how great my life is. While, it’s been in a state of upeaveal for a bit, I think it’s finally all making sense to me now. Even in the midst of so much turmoil, there is nothing but good in it. It’s easy to be thankful for the good in your life right? Obviously, when things are going good, we are happy, and life is just better all around, we gravitate away from the “bad”. Well, if we didn’t have the “bad”, we wouldn’t know just how great the good is right? It’s in this recent revelation, that I realize just how stupid most of the stuff that bothers me is. It makes me realize just how insane some of the things I was thinking about or wanting was. I mean I hate my iphone right? Yeah, I do. Can’t stand that stupid phone, would LOVE to get rid of it. Last night it started freaking out for no reason, my first thought was “man, I wish I could get rid of this stupid thing.” Today, I dropped it and busted the screen, jacked it up bad. I picked it up and was like, yeah, that really sucks, but at least I have a phone to break. Yeah, I have a phone to break.
I hate my house, this thing is 20+ years old and falling down around me. It needs, new siding, has water damage, new furnace, windows, etc. you name it, odds are good this place needs it. Shower door just up and fell off a few months ago. You khow what I realized the other day? I have a roof over my head. Wow..yea, it’s THAT simple. I am so so so incredibly thankful for this house. This house that God brought me to. I fought this house tooth and nail, but for whatever reason, I am meant to be here. It fulfills the needs of my family, it shelters me, allows me to have my business…my God given talents flow through the walls of this house. It protects, the most precious gifts I have, not my camera, not my cars, not my clothes…my children. The only thing in the life that truly matter, are my children. It provides safety, security, comfort, and shelter. I have food on my table, I have clothes on my back. My back that is bad. I am thankful for my bad back, b/c I know what it feels like to be whole, when it’s not acting up. I have gallstones that level me to the floor for hours, to the point I cannot even speak the pain is so bad. Through them I know what it feels like to be healthy and whole. I am thankful for sadness and tears, pain, grief, sorrow, dispair, a broken heart, a borken marriage, broken promises, divorce, illness, death…why…why am I thankful for these things? Thru them I know happiness, smiles, growth, joy, elation, being well within my body and soul, love, strength, life, and hope. Most of all though, thru them I know God. So tonight I am thankful for all of the negatives and seemingly bad things in my life. For my slow laptop, that allows me to communicate to the world, and do what I love. For my bare pantry, because there is enough food in it for tomorrow. For the holes in my socks, because my feet will still be warm. I am so very very thankful for all of these things. Most of all though, tonight I am thankful for this realization, b/c it provides me a huge sense of peace.
I’m not one to preach by any stretch. I am fumbling my way thought this life just like the next guy. I’ve also come to realize that we are all just people, doing what we can do to make it in this world, through this life. What we think is right, or where we need to be, whether it be for ourselves, our kids, or our families. I’ve been blessed with an amazing man in my life recently (I have a lot of amazing men in my life quite honestly, but that’s another blog post entirely), and we communicate frequently through music. One of our favorite song lyrics is “I’m not sure why her path crossed mine, by accident or grand design”. It’s the last part that gets me, every time. Accident or grand design…I like to think about that, in general in all areas of my life. I like to look at the timing of things. In his case, if he’d come into my life as much as two days sooner, we wouldn’t be together, any later, and who knows? So tonight, I am thankful. I am thankful for the 14 years I had with my ex-husband and all that was achieved, and the blessings from that relationship. I am thankful for every wrong turn, b/c in reality there are no wrong turns. It’s not my time table. Tonight, I am thankful. I sincerely hope tomorrow, I will be too.
